I should practice how to live simultaneously inside and outside the actual circumstances: to live a very lonely life by myself, but at the same time among others. It is like living in a hectic urban setting, but with the soul of a bare desert.
As the journey of religious practice continues to advance, I should unburden myself of my luggage. At the end, I only have emptiness, lightness, my true self with its true nature, and the resonating sound of the supernatural universe. It is as though I lose my physical presence but only my breath remains, along with the circulating current of energy and the awakening.
I release my brain, unburden my body, and step into a journey where I will meet myself more often and love myself more. When I feel painful I will know the reason why. When I cry, I know why. I suffer, feel upset or sad, love life, become tired of life, love others, and hate others. I begin to love myself in every state, in every good or bad character. I do not need to watch myself in order to know, but I do know myself thoroughly, at every arising of my mind and body, at each spiritual passage.
There have been times when I felt as though I no longer wanted to live. I felt disconnected, exhausted, sad, tired of living. I felt so weak and frail. I did not have the strength and willpower to carry on with life, and I wanted to give up everything and go away. But then, after those pessimistic and weary moments, I continued to step forward on the remaining journey of life, because I decided not to live for myself.
So, for whom do I live? Is it because of my ideals, my determination to serve others?
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