Mai, you still carry the finicality of your ego, and fear. You are still influenced by external conditions. You still see the difference between beauty and ugliness, fame and defamation, respect and contempt from others to you.
Mai, you are still unable to catch and react properly to all the metamorphosis, because your reasoning mind still calculates about better or worse, and it slows down the integration with Oneness. Consequently, your inner energy cannot flow properly. Every time your reasoning mind stands out, your spiritual energy is blocked; your transcendence is obstructed and dragged into divergence and agitation.
Mai, you are not flexible enough to integrate the circulating movement of other energies in the macro cosmos, and you fall out of that movement. Like a person sitting in a car and suddenly falls out, you would experience the loss of balance, the connection with reality, physically and spiritually. Your eyes, ears, nose, tongue, body, and mind-base cannot reach the continuous emptiness. Your eyes are still being enticed by mundane scenes of life, either beautiful or ugly. Your reasoning mind still weighs the better or worse. Your will power cannot overcome the fear of others' judgments. The tests of the High above that you thought you already passed but you failed them instead, because you still differentiate the good or bad, right or wrong, between various religious doctrines. The Way is not the religion. The Way does not have any doctrine. The Way does not have border, whilst religions and social and cultural laws have borders.
You are still confused between the Way and the Religion. You have to leave behind everything so that you may be able to fully develop your spirituality. As spirituality transmutes and adapts multilaterally, the corporeality should be also very strong to transmute and adapt multilaterally. Through this process, the inner energy can circulate thoroughly in the physical body without any blockage in the organs that may cause illness; so these important organs could receive all the universal energy to lead human beings to the state of Supreme Being.
A blind success is not worth more than the knowledge of your failure. All spiritual transmutations send signals via the brain system and the heart. When the human reasoning mind is involved, you often act against your heart, which causes disturbance to the human ability, damaging the smooth flow of the blood stream and energy and therefore causing illness .
How can you simultaneously live peacefully with life and develop your spirituality?
Your mind should reside in the undividable state. You should recognize in each of your breaths what you are feeling, and what you are doing in the undividable state; at the same time, your mind should be awakened to consider what you need to do, and what you need to avoid, in the undividable state as well, not in the mundane thinking.
The decisions should be made with lucidity, not with mundane reasoning and familial or social laws.
When you truly practice the Way, you need to understand and live as ordinarily as those who claim that they are not following the Way.
If you want to realize the Way, you need to get what ordinary people do not see it as the Way.
If you want to surpass, you need to live in no-exit circumstances.
If you want peace of mind, you need to go through the agitation of mind.
If you want to appreciate life, you need to experience the near-death moment.
If you want not to feel lonesomeness, you need to live in absolute lonesomeness.
If you want success, you need to taste failure.
If you want to have your country, you need to experience the loss of your country.
If you want to love your country, you need to experience a life of exile out of your country.