February 28, 1997
How can I recognize my feelings caused by something or someone, then contemplate and disregard them, without creating psychological reactions, such as: coping, dealing, or revolting? In other words, I know but do not react, and I am capable of disregarding without thinking about them anymore.
The reaction usually comes from prejudice and subjectivity. Prejudice and reaction are nothing new, but have latently stayed in the unconsciousness. As reaction was already set, I only repeat the event in the past that had happened between someone and me, through internal to external conditions.
Everything changes, people, things around us, and ourselves. If I am renewed, others will be so. However, when others are still the same whilst I am new, pure, and without prejudice, this will have better influences and results for both, though the happenings may be the same.
Without prejudice, I will have lucidity, altruism, and will see, hear the events with more objectivity. Especially when my arrogant ego and theirs had been previously linked, this only worsens the case with disadvantaged reactions for both sides.
All thoughts and reactions originate from the ego, which carries inferiority complex, self-importance, humility, over-forbearance, or intentionally yield to please. However, the harder I try to yield and please, the worse prejudice increases between both parties. Sometimes, when I try to give favors, this only makes people hate me more, as they get to owe me favors. Or else, if I previously gave favors to please people, and stop giving, I will eventually look bad to them.
I should learn to be ordinary with the self of nothingness.
No joy, no grief, no attention for others' love or hate, thus I can act naturally. Acting naturally helps me prevent “self-suggestion.” Self-suggestion is created by the inferiority complex about oneself. From this complex, I will think too much about myself and others; such thinking and imagination are only the delusions that are capable to disturb us.
Thus, do I create all these sufferings?
I have to contemplate my impressions and feelings, and do not chase them away, because they are my self. Chasing them away means I chase my self away. I should be brave to LOOK INTO MY OWN MIRROR. When I look thoroughly, I can see dirt on my face, and try to clean it for a cleaner, clearer and smoother face.
I should not forget to look at my face everyday, or, if possible, every hour and every minute, so that I shall not be proud of my beauty, because my face is often sullied with dirt or powder, or even food, which I have not washed them yet. I should look at myself more often, because it may be clean today, but dirty tomorrow. Today it is all smiling, tomorrow it will probably cry. Alternatively, maybe today it looks nice, but tomorrow it will look so ugly.
I do not feel ashamed by looking at myself, because I am the center to be checked; it is better than looking at others to blame or judge them.
Looking closely, I may see that the person who is actually so disgraced, so pitiful, as I constantly change, and how hard to distinguish the true one from the false one. I probably take the true one as false; whilst hold the false one as true.
Stand up before my ego and inside my ego, to understand it more thoroughly. Knowing it thoroughly, I shall be shameful, and I shall stop criticizing, annoying, and blaming others. Because when I criticize, annoy, and blame others, this means I do criticize, annoy, and blame MYSELF.
The last day of the third seclusion